I vividly remember calling you in tears that night. The night that changed my life. The night Booker T. called and said I had been admitted, and if I wanted the spot I had to be there the next day. Tears. And you talked me through it and gave me the support and the calm that I needed. You've always been that for me, though. Not just that one night-all the time. You're calm and you're grounded. You've got your quirks and your craziness, but you've always been exactly what I needed. Sometimes my polar opposite; sometimes reflecting me.
It's been tough on me--HS and College that is. And I've lost a lot of things: friends, beliefs, and connections. But you? You're stronger than me. You've grown so much at college and I admit that at times, I'm jealous of your ability to stay strong for everything you know is right--because when it was my turn, I found that sometimes I couldn't. But right there is where I feel like I've wronged you. You are my best friend, but I feel like we're drifting because of me. Because I'm not the same person that I was when we baked pies and talked about hamster houses and clay masks and played pool and darts and went to dog parks and gave facials and painted nails. There are things I can't tell you, because even though I'm okay with my decisions, I know you'd be disappointed...and I just can't stand that feeling because I respect you so much. But I want you to know that you're one of the strongest women I know and that I love you so much. And maybe one day I'll come back to that girl I used to be. But right now, all I can offer is an apology and the fact that I miss you like crazy.
We still have good times, and I'm so thankful for that. We still share secrets and talk about the future and boys and crazy stories and about how we can't wait for life after college to begin. And that makes up for everything. Because when we're baking apple pie, everything is alright in the world because we're together and laughing and being crazy!! And the thought that I've always held is this: You stop being friends when you start reminiscing and stop making memories.
Well we're still making memories and I think you're a beautiful person. I hope you get everything you've ever wanted because you deserve even more than that. I love you.
Love,
Ashley.
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