100 Books. What Am I Thinking?!

So here they are. 100 books for 2011.

I realize this is a huge undertaking. I even realize that I may not complete this challenge by this time next year. But it is a good challenge for me and I'm very excited to begin. I just don't know which book to start with!!

I have gathered suggestions from several places, and this is what I've come up with. I'm still not completely sold on some of these, so suggestions are still welcome. There will probably even be edits to the list during the year. Who knows?

1 Pride and Prejudice - Jane Austen

2 Sophie’s Choice- Willian Styron

3 Jane Eyre - Charlotte Bronte

4 In Cold Blood – Truman Capote   

5 To Kill a Mockingbird - Harper Lee

6 The Bible 

7 Wuthering Heights - Emily Bronte

8 Nineteen Eighty Four - George Orwell 

9 His Dark Materials - Philip Pullman 

10 Conversations with God: An Uncommon Dialogue – Neale Donald Walsch

11 Little Women - Louisa M Alcott

12 Clan of the Cave Bears- Jean M. Auel

13 Catch 22 - Joseph Heller 

14 Complete Works of Shakespeare

15 Cannery Row-John Steinbeck

16 The Silmarillion - JRR Tolkien

17 The Egyptian Book of the Dead – Raymond Faulkner

18 Catcher in the Rye - JD Salinger

19 The Time Traveler’s Wife - Audrey Niffenegger

20 Lonesome Dove – Larry McMurtry

21 Gone With The Wind - Margaret Mitchell

22 Grimm’s Fairytales - Brothers Grimm

24 War and Peace - Leo Tolstoy

25 The Hitch Hiker’s Guide to the Galaxy - Douglas Adams 

27 The Perks of Being a Wallflower- Steven Chbosky

28 Grapes of Wrath - John Steinbeck

29 Alice in Wonderland - Lewis Carroll

30 Pillars of the Earth- Ken Follet

31 Anna Karenina - Leo Tolstoy

32 David Copperfield - Charles Dickens

33 Chronicles of Narnia - CS Lewis 

34 Emma -Jane Austen

35 Girl With The Pearl Earring- Tracy Chevalier

36 Deception Point- Dan Brown

37 The Kite Runner - Khaled Hosseini

38 Charlie and the Chocolate Factory - Roald Dahl

39 Memoirs of a Geisha - Arthur Golden

40 Understanding Media – Marshall McLuhan

41 Animal Farm - George Orwell

42 Interred with their Bones- Jennifer Lee Carrell

43 One Hundred Years of Solitude - Gabriel Garcia Marquez

44 A Prayer for Owen Meaney - John Irving

45 The Woman in White - Wilkie Collins

46 Anne of Green Gables - LM Montgomery

47 Far From The Madding Crowd - Thomas Hardy

48 The Handmaid’s Tale - Margaret Atwood

49 Practical Magic- Alice Hoffman

50 Atonement - Ian McEwan

51 Life of Pi - Yann Martel

52 Beyond the Pasta- Mark Leslie

53 Cold Comfort Farm - Stella Gibbons

54 Sense and Sensibility - Jane Austen

55 A Suitable Boy - Vikram Seth

56 The Shadow of the Wind - Carlos Ruiz Zafon

57 A Tale Of Two Cities - Charles Dickens

58 Brave New World - Aldous Huxley

59 On Writing- Stephen King

60 Love In The Time Of Cholera - Gabriel Garcia Marquez

61 Of Mice and Men - John Steinbeck

62 Lolita - Vladimir Nabokov

63 The Secret History - Donna Tartt

64 Les Miserables - Victor Hugo

65 Count of Monte Cristo - Alexandre Dumas

66 On The Road - Jack Kerouac

67 Jude the Obscure - Thomas Hardy

68 Bridget Jones’s Diary - Helen Fielding

69 Midnight’s Children - Salman Rushdie

70 Moby Dick - Herman Melville 

71 Oliver Twist - Charles Dickens

72 Dracula - Bram Stoker

73 The Secret Garden - Frances Hodgson Burnett

74 Notes From A Small Island - Bill Bryson

75 Ulysses - James Joyce

76 The Inferno - Dante

77 Swallows and Amazons - Arthur Ransome

78 Germinal - Emile Zola

79 Vanity Fair - William Makepeace Thackeray

80 Possession - AS Byatt

81 People of the Book- Gerladine Brooks

82 Cloud Atlas - David Mitchell

83 The Color Purple - Alice Walker

84 The Remains of the Day - Kazuo Ishiguro

85 Madame Bovary - Gustave Flaubert

86 A Fine Balance - Rohinton Mistry

87 Way of the Peaceful Warrior- Dan Millman

88 The Eagle of the Ninth- Rosemary Sutcliff

89 Adventures of Sherlock Holmes - Sir Arthur Conan Doyle

90 The Glass Castle – Jeannette Walls

91 Man and His Symbols - Carl G. Jung

92 The Little Prince - Antoine De Saint-Exupery

93 Daughter of the Forest – Juliet Marilliner

94 Watership Down - Richard Adams

95 A Confederacy of Dunces - John Kennedy Toole

96 A Town Like Alice - Nevil Shute

97 The Three Musketeers - Alexandre Dumas

98 The Secret Teachings of All Ages - Many P. Hall

99 A Christmas Journey - Anne Perry

100 Casting Off - Nicole R. Dickson

Throw it in Reverse

So. Here I am. Back in Texas.

After a whirlwind of a trip back to the states, I finally arrived. Luggage-less and exhausted as I was, I was happy to be home.

And now, with Vienna only 3 days and 5501 miles away, I feel like it was another lifetime. It almost feels like a dream. I had all these amazing adventures and discovered these beautiful places. The landscapes were breathtaking and the architecture was incredible. Everything about the last four months was unbelievable. And yet that seems to be the problem. It's like it didn't even happen. I came home: my parents and aunt were ecstatic to see me, my dog went absolutely nuts. I had a voice-mail from someone that made my day to hear their voice.

And yet the bittersweet moments of goodbye to friends and to that crazy beautiful city are seared into my memory.

And as big a part of my life as it was, it doesn't seem that way to anyone else. They know it was important, but it's hard to convey how much it changed me as a person. It altered my world views and changed me in a big way.

So there's this thing that Webster told us about called "Reverse Culture Shock". I laughed it off. Reverse Culture Shock? Really? It seemed so silly until about 48 hours ago...and I'm not sure the extent of it, but it's starting by presenting Vienna as a dream--so far away and now completely out of reach.

But it's not. So I'll adjust. Vienna was very real and I know that. So it'll do for now to remember and to learn from it until I can get back to Vienna or whatever the next great adventure is.

I'm so much more than greatful for the experiences that I had, and I'm happy to be home. Now it's just getting back to "real life" with responsibilities and uncertainties that I have to figure out. I guess right now it's all about rolling with the punches.

New Year's Resolution

I know what you're all thinking::

"It's too early for resolutions."

"No one ever keeps their resolutions."

"Why do something for an entire year?"

"What in the world would make you want to do that?"

Well, the fact is that for the past 4 years of my life, I have devised, promised, and kept to my New Year's Resolutions. I find a great sense of accomplishment on January 1st, after an entire year of "No chocolate" or "No fried foods", to know that I set a goal for myself and achieved whatever it was that I told myself I could do.

This year, my resolution focuses more on my liberal arts education and expansion of literary knowledge. There is a list floating around Facebook of "BBC Books". BBC expects that the average person will have read 6 books on the list. I admit, a bit ashamedly, that I have read only a few more than that. Pieces and parts, and "oh I started that"s and "I really need to finish that one"s, but I have not read many more than 6 books on that list. My grand total, I'm embarrassed to say is 11.

11 books out of 100.

When I started college, I started reading less. A disappointment to myself, as reading was once one of my very favorite pastimes. I devoured new books. I begged for new books. My Christmas List was 70% books, and I read them all. As I grew older, I lost the love for it. That magical feeling that you get when you turn the page almost automatically because you forget you're reading a book. I miss that. I miss loving books. I miss that cheesy wonderful "escapism" and the "world" that the written word can create.

I've been in Vienna for 4 months and have read 4 (awesome) books--more than I've read in the past year, probably!

So, my New Years Resolution for 2011:

Read 100 Books.

And there you have it. I am going to read 100 books. I'm not sure what they will be yet. I'm searching and compiling from tons of different lists and personal thoughts.

Suggestions welcome.

Bring it on, 2011!!

Winter Wonderlands of Vienna, Austria

Snow is kinda magical for me. See, I'm from Texas--we don't get a lot of snow. When we do, it's icy and turns to slush before you can make a proper snow man...which I have never done. Ang has promised to make one with me before we head out of Vienna.

My time in St. Louis has provided me with some fun, snowy shennanigans, but I've never had a legitimate snowball fight, and I've never built a snow fort. These are all very fantastical things that have never seemed real to me. Now this has never really bothered me--in fact I don't like the cold. I don't like the heat, for that matter-I'm a very '65 degrees and slightly cloudy' kind of person.

BUT I can't help but fall in love with this weather here in Vienna!! There is something ethereal about falling snow. And it's the best snow! It's light and fluffy and sparkly. It's like dust, and it's so soft to step through--so much better than anything I've experienced before.

Yesterday I went to the Vienna Woods to explore. They are on a mountain, and from one of the overlooks I could see all of Vienna. I saw the observatory/space needle-esque building I still need to visit, and the apartment building by the mall. Everything looked tiny from up there. I walked along what I supposed to be a sidewalk during warmer times, but now was just a collection of about 4 pairs of footprints. It lead on for a while, and I considered turning back soon, when I saw a HUGE expanse of white snow. There were two snowmen that children had rolled together sitting at the base of the valley. I walked about halfway down, kicking the snow and picking some up every once in a while. It was literally sparkling from the sun, and I thought it was one of the most beautiful things I had seen. The whole piece of land I could see-the sun shining through the snow dusted trees and the perfect, undisturbed stretch of snow was so peaceful.

This has been my city for the past 3 1/2 months, but I have less than 3 weeks to explore. More thoughts on leaving to come later. Anyhow, I've been watching the snow all afternoon. I even played in it a little this afternoon after class. I went to the park across from Webster and just walked...I love the feeling of crunching the snow and it feels very...refreshing. It was, for all intents and purposes (from a Texan perspective), Blizzarding. I had snowflakes on my eyelashes and all in my hair and covering my jacket. But it was simply peaceful. I'm going to miss the snow.

Little Things

It's probably part of the stupid amount of homesickness I've been feeling lately, but I see faces in the crowds: that could be this person or that person. That boy has your curly hair! That girl has your purse! If that man was 2" shorter and 4 years younger, he'd look just like you! And I feel like my mind is playing this awful, cruel tricks on me, because I'd give *almost* anything to see you right now. Cause it's the little things I miss.

I miss giving her shit about wearing skirts in December.

I miss his sleepy "fuck off"s at 10AM in the PO.

I miss telling her, for the love of God--get some sleep!!

I miss calling him to see if he wants a drink and he always says yes-come over.

I miss hearing all the goings on of the Broadway scene-yeah I didn't think I'd miss that either.

I miss his stupid antics through the DS and the Tech Office and the PO.

I miss the silence of the LHC at night-yes I've been the last to leave once or twice.

I miss the way footsteps echo like sonic booms in the DS.

I miss walking home and it only takes 4 minutes instead of the 40 it takes here.

And those are just a few.

Each day I find myself adding to the list of things I miss about the States, Webster, Home, Family, Friends, and all that. And I feel like I shouldn't be missing so much, because of this extraordinary opportunity I'm living...but I'm allowed a little homesickness, right?

Christkindlemarkt

I quite possibly looked like the biggest idiot on the face of the planet: clutching my warm mug of Amaretto-Punsch with a constant, huge, silly, goofy smile playing on my face. My eyes must have been huge--drinking in the whole scene. The lights!! They sparkle, they twinkle, they run, jump, and fly through the trees, the huts, thee angel-shaped figurines hanging in the sky. There are heart lights and ornament lights: there are lights that look like falling snow and lights that look like icicles. they cover castles and archwasy and Christmas trees and real trees.

There are huts--kiosks lining the plaza between the Burg Theatre and the Rathaus. They are selling everything. There are selling lollipops and cotton candy, punch, stuffed animals, toys, incense, beautifully handpainted ornaments, wood carvings, crafty knick knacks, food, hats, scarves, gloves, crazy candles, Vienna souvenirs, incense, jewelry, purses, and so much more!!

There are children laughing and jumping and pointing at the stuffed tiger they not-so-secretly hope Santa will bring them. There are smiles and laughter all around: it sounds cheesy, but it's really incredible.

My magical castle is lighting up again: brilliant colors of blue and red and green and pink and yellow and white. It's lullaby is a sweet German song--I can only understand pieces, but I know it's peaceful. It's transformed to a more 'rock & roll' feel, but the tune is the same. Christmas music plays to light up the park and people's faces and children's hearts.

I'm not usually mushy at Christmas time: it must be the growing homesickness. But there is nothing close to a Viennese Christkindle Markt in the States--there are malls. There are department store and for the love of God...we do most of our shopping online anyway. If we go out, you are more likely than not to experience the rudeness and pushiness of the holidays more than you will the 'Can I help you?'s and the 'No, please, after you's and a 'Merry Christmas' with any sort of heart behind it. And even though I don't understand all of the words that are flying through the cold evening air here at this Market in Vienna, I feel Christmas.

And for the first time in a while, I feel content about every piece of my life, and for a moment, despite the homesickness, there is no place on earth I'd rather be than warming my hands on a mug of punch and feeling happy.

"Hearts will never be practical until they can be made unbreakable."

-The Wizard of Oz

Life.

Journal 2

We are supposed to be keeping up "journals" for Museum Studies, as a part of the whole package we turn in for a final grade at the end of our Study Abroad Semester. I keep a personal journal, and find it redundant to keep a "class journal", so I just write when I feel inspired--when I can't hold the excitement, the beauty, the wonder in any more. So this is a journal entry I wrote on a train going so fast it was hard to make out the countryside as we sped by.

I’ve been to the top of the world and the ends of the earth. I’ve stood in valleys and rivers and felt the rain in London. I’ve seen grass greener than fresh cooked green beans and water bluer than the sky at its bluest. I have heard stories of Kings and Queens and learned the magical histories of their castles. I’ve sped by millions of people on the street, in a train, on the subway—and I don’t know any of their names! I have seen sunny days and rainy days and cold days and everywhere in between. I’ve listened to hundreds of songs and written pages of information and taken thousands of pictures. I’ve heard so many languages—so many dialects—so many accents—each singing with a different tone, every one pulsing to its own rhythm and beat of the centuries of its existence. I’ve stood in the ghostly footsteps of some of the most influential people in history and I’ve stood at their graves. I’ve explored and I’ve seen comfort and I’ve felt love and I’ve felt welcome and I’ve missed home. I’m living this life I couldn’t have dreamed up if I’d tried-and--so many times--I've stood in absolute wonder at this world.

What's In a Word?

About a month ago, I finished "Eat. Pray. Love." By Elizabeth Gilbert. It was a beautiful story and had some wonderful words of wisdom. It was just a generally encouraging story about a woman on a quest to find herself and make herself a stronger person. One thing she talked about was a "Word". She used it to describe herself. One word. One single word to encompass something. Think about it. There are millions of words in the English language. Can you pick just one to describe an entire person? What about an entire city?

I decided to incorporate that into my travels here in Europe. So, if you're interested, here's my City-By-City One Word List, that I've compiled so far, with a few sentences tacked on.

Vienna—Serenity

The air here is so calm and peaceful. No one is in a particular hurry—the pace of the society is very relaxed and “go with the flow”.

Brussels—Excitement

The people in Brussels are having fun. They love their country and city and are proud of the fact that they love it. They smile a lot and are happy living life (and drinking beer).

Amsterdam—Hustle

Everyone is in a hurry and on a mission. The pace of this city is a very intense one. There is little regard for those who may be in the way when you’re trying to get somewhere.

Venice—Nonchalant

Beauty absolutely radiates from this city. The boats slowly floating down the Grand Canal are a sight to see: small, large, fast, slow, gondolas, motorboats—the variety is amazing. The water in Vencie is a beautiful, surreal blue and teal. It was a very calming experience to be on the water without cars all around. Listening to the waves at night and seeing the lights reflect onto the water was breathtaking. The people here know they live in a beautiful city and they embrace the artistry of it all, but they are nonchalant in the way that they are able to go about their lives in this city of wonders.

Milan—Classy

Known for its high fashion, Milan lived up to its fancy hype. The small portion we explored was smooth feeling and an open air kind of beautiful.

Verona—Lovely

The quaint city in Northern Italy was silent on Sunday morning. The windows were shuttered and the store fronts were dark. In the city of Shakespeare’s greatest mystical romance, it was difficult to remember the story was fiction.

Paris—Elegant

Sleek, natural, and sparkly, the pace in Paris was constant. The city of lights always had a stream of people going, coming, photographing, and standing in awe of The Iron Lady. The buildings stood tall and strong and proud—icons of the city they protect and shelter.

Salzburg—Tasteful

In a city that holds true to Austrian heritage, it was really cool to see traditional German clothing being worn in every-day life. Seeing men in lederhosen and women in dirndls was a reminder of how much the people of Austria care about where their city and country has come from.

Dachau—Broken

The air was heavy and silent. The day we visited, it was even raining. The sadness and pain of generations past crushed down on the entire camp. It was heartbreaking to walk in the footsteps of strangers who died there, who were humiliated and traumatized, and to walk in the footsteps of their captors.

Bavaria—Regal

The castles were like stepping into a fairytale: the art, the history, the elegance. It was surreal to just imagine that this was someone’s home and life at one point in history.

London—Magical

There is so much mystery surrounding London—it’s history, the myths, and the stories that have been set there. There are legends; there are the mystical natures of the castles and the traditions that exist in the societies of London. To be in a city with so many possibilities is magical in the way that you feel like anything can happen if you phrase your wish just right.

Dublin—Alive

Friendly, beautiful, breathtaking, home, spectacular, natural. The most beautiful landscapes are in Ireland. The friendliest people are in Ireland. Ireland has been filled with turmoil in the past, but today the Irish rejoice in the beauty of living.

Lost Art

I wrote a letter today. To my dear friend in the Big Apple. Affectionately, my Big Apple Pen Pal. Her name is Samantha and she writes in the most adorable bubbly cursive and she has such a way with words. I don't possess her ability, but I love to be a receiver of her letters. I convinced Ang to check the mail yesterday and, sure enough, there were two letters sitting quietly amidst the adds for German supermarkets and IKEA. I smiled the rest of the walk home. I was so excited to read the letter, but I wanted to savor the note, so I stopped myself from shredding the cute pink envelope open before I got to some light.

Naturally, I wrote her back today, and today, I experienced one of the most beautiful days since I've been here. I was at the park right across from Webster, and it was a cliche-worthy beautiful day. The sun was shining hard enough that I didn't even need a jacket. I was comfortable in the sun, the reflection of the sun on the water not too bright, but shiny enough to be slightly ethereal. I sat on the steps looking out over the Danube and wrote to my Big Apple Pen Pal telling her all about Vienna, asking about the Big Apple, and sent along a mini-German Lesson. She'll be here soon, after all. I sat there for a moment, dreading 2:00 because that would mean I'd have to leave this perfect little paradise I'd discovered. I took it all in. I took in Vienna. The light, the breeze, the Danube, the grass I was sitting near, and the seemingly ordinary cement stairs upon which I was seated. Compared to some places here in Europe, or even in Vienna, it's nothing spectacular. But it's a quiet spot with a great view, and for a moment, I forgot that I was thousands of miles from everyone I love.

Writing letters makes me feel connected. I love the pen to paper. Like my Big Apple Pen Pal said, it's amazing to hold something that she held just a week ago in her hand as she thought of me! The lost art of letter writing is something that I wish would be picked up again. It's a personal way to show someone that you took time to think about them. You care enough to take time out of your day.

You found the pen. It was hidden under the stack of books or in the bottom of your backpack. The paper was a little harder. You tore it out of your Psychology notebook or you stole a piece of paper from the lab. You sat down at your desk. Or you found a nifty nature spot. Or you're writing it on your commute. Whatever it is, you're giving up something to do this. You're taking the time to do this as opposed to an email. They will see your handwriting, your mistakes, your scribbles, your doodles, the heaviness of the hand, the splotch of coffee that spilled when the train hit a bump. This paper is your thoughts and a snippet of your life for just a few moments.

So. Go find a pen. Find some paper. Find an address of a friend and write.

Ask them how they are...I bet their Facebook Status isn't telling the whole story.

Piece of Advice

Day 30-Your Reflection In the Mirror

'Every man dies, but not every man lives.'

Dear Me,

Hi. Take a look at you!! From where you were a few years ago, I hardly recognize you in a good way!! That scar on your left arm from that fateful night of Hair this summer. The wrinkles under your eyes from not getting enough sleep Freshman year. The laugh lines you created when you were not getting enough sleep last year. The two rings on your fingers that remind you of two of the most important women in your life. The necklace that reminds you of a best friend and the other that reminds you of a loving grandmother. The deep breaths you take when you look in the mirror, thinking you're not ready for the day, but by God, you just gotta get out there anyway.

Take a look!! Look at where your life has gone! You've experienced so much. You've explored new cultures, new things, new countries...new CONTINENTS! I'm proud of you. I love that you're getting more confident. I know you're not quite there yet, but maybe someday you'll be able to look at yourself every day and believe that you are beautiful. But you're so close! I think that this year is going to be hard for you, as it's already proven itself slightly trying. Starting the semester by leaving a new family this summer was pretty tough. Not being near your friends this semester is killer, but you're getting through! Just remember that you're making new memories, experiencing new stories that you'll get to tell them, but you just have to live!!

I think that's what you're doing now, and I'm so proud of you for simply living. Live with peace, and live with love. Work with joy and love without conditions. And only then will you find happiness. You'll find it in your work, your loves, your friends, your hobbies, the sunshine, the cold, the hot, the grass, the mountains. You will find life and love in all of these things.

I know it's hard, but stop worrying. Don't worry about what you're going to do next semester. Work on it, but don't worry about it. Stop worrying about your friend and your family. Worry doesn't DO anything. It's all for naught because fate will have it's way--the world will still turn and you can't do anything about it, so for the benefit of all those around you, just LOVE with your whole heart. Pray for peace and understanding in the world--not just for yourself, but for those around you and pray for happiness and love on the earth.

Love,

Ashley

Day 29-Someone You Want To Tell Everything To, But Are Too Afraid

So, I hate to cop out on the next to last letter...but there's no one that I want to tell everything to but am too afraid to do so...And let's be honest...if there was, I wouldn't do it on the World Wide Web. So there. =)

Love,

Ashley

Day 28-Someone Who Changed Your Life

Dear Angela,

How could I ever have imagined, Freshman year, when I first met you with the most basic of "Hi! I'm Ashley. How are you?" that that was the beginning of an amazingly spectacular friendship? Put quite simply, you're everything to me!! You're my drinkin buddy, my party buddy, my late-night chat friend, my listener, my common sense, my moral compass (sometimes), my conscience (every so often), my encourager, my Scrubs/Grey's/Big Bang/Castle/White Collar watching partner, my inside joke vault, and a well of unending laughter and always--the promise of a good time filled with crazy shenanigans.

I remember filling out our Roommate Contract Freshman Year. We joke about it now every chance we get--How housing must not have looked at our housing surveys at all, because we were almost polar opposites--we still are, but we've learned to compromise, at least! You like to stay up late, I'd rather get up early. You like studying with music and I need quiet. I like country music and you like...everything but. After all the horror stories we heard about 2 SMs living together, I was wary...what if you started to hate me? What if I got on your nerves? Would we be able to live together peacefully? Would we be too competitive to coexist in the same 12 square feet of space provided to us by Webster? I didn't know the answer to any of these things. But we love theatre. And we love having fun. And that's what I've spent the last two years of my life doing with you and I wouldn't trade a second.

You've taught me about how to live life by just living it yourself. We've explored together and cried and laughed and bitched together. You're always the person I go to when I can't handle my life, because you'll always put it in perspective for me. You have always encouraged me and always know the right things to say when I'm fed up with the world. I know you've been through some stuff, but you're strong. You're a strong person and a kick ass Stage Manager. You know how to handle high stress situations both in life and in professionalism.

I love talking to you about anything--everything. At the beginning of the year Freshman Year, I was sure we'd be tired of each other by the end, but I was ready for more! "Let's live together again!", we decided. East Hall turned out to be a winner. We had a great time and an amazing year full of drunk, sober, and everywhere in between nights that turned out to be some of my favorite memories. Thank you for everything. It's never an effort to be with you--I can always be myself and for that I thank you and love you.

Traveling Europe with you has been such an amazing adventure--and it's not even halfway done!! I couldn't pick anyone else that I'd want to travel with as much as I love traveling with you. We've learned so much and I love 'pretending' to be a real student with you. I love going random places with you and not having plans. I love planning our lives after college and I love everything about our lives right now. I'm sorry this letter is not more articulate, but I feel like I always tell you everything and you know pretty much everything about me.

Next semester will be the first time in 28 Months that we will most likely not see each other for a solid 4 months. I am going to miss you so much, but I know you will have a great time at your internship and learn so much. I can't wait to come back Senior Year and rock the shit out of WebCo with you. I love you so so much.

Love,

Ashley

Day 27-The Friendliest Person You Knew For Only a Day

Alright, a little back story on this one:: Zlatgo is the vendor down the street from our dorms here in Vienna that sells AMAZING food. It's so delicious!! Ang and I go there way too often, so I see him a lot, but only for about 10 minutes at a time. So here goes!

Dear Zlatgo,

Thank you for your delicious food! I feel like Ang and I eat at your stand too much because you not only know what our orders are, but when I order something different, you know what I want on it too!

I know your German isn't very good, but that's okay...mine isn't either!! Thanks for not getting annoyed when I try to speak really crappy German to you, and I think it's really great to play the "What's this called in your language" game!

You are always so kind and friendly, and I wish I could speak more fluent German so I could talk to you more and learn about you--you seem like a very interesting person who has seen a lot of life and a lot of world. Good luck in your business and in life and thank you for (almost) always being open whenever Ang and I need some lunch or dinner!!

Love,

Ashley

Day 26-The Last Person You Made a Pinky Promise To

Dear MA,

I'm pretty sure we pinky promised that night at The Cornfields. If we didn't, then I did it in my head...and I'm going to write to you all anyway.

Solidarity.

We had a great plan. =) Props, kids, we did it!!

Those were some crazy times. Not only that week, but the entire summer. You guys made my summer. Period. End of discussion. If I had not had the three of you to fall back on and bitch to and party with, the summer would not have been the same.

Ryan, I'm glad we got to be closer over the summer. Last year, I missed what we had Freshman Year (follow that? yikes). You are so very talented at what you do and an amazing person to work with. I hope I get to work with you again in Conservatory, because I absolutely loved it this summer. Thanks for all the heart to hearts and gossips and drinking and...such. Zach trained you well (kidding). We had some crazy times and I hope that when I get back to Webster we will have even more ridiculous shenanigans. On the down side, I miss you even more while I'm here. You're going to have a great time here in Vienna--you'll love every day and I just know it! A very selfish part of me wishes you were here with me now, and not at Webster designing and being fantastical and rocking Conservatory. Love you mean it!

Doc, my life without you=less awesome. Your crazytalk got me through some days and you never failed to brighten my day. I'm sorry I killed you in round 3...it was just too easy, darling. Thank you for this summer--the trips to St. Louis and Decatur and Mattoon and everything in between. Sullivan was an amazing little town with you in it because there was almost never 'nothing to do'. You're passionate about theatre and the work that you do there, and I think you're an amazing electrician or designer or stage manager or whatever you want to be because you can rock whatever the hell you decide. Love you mean it!

Jane, you already got a letter, but I'll go head and say it: I love the hell out of you and from the bottom of my heart, thank you. PS--Sorry I killed you. Love you mean it!

So, with all my love, I wish you all the best in your endeavors this year. I hope very very much that MA will be reunited next summer, because I think it's a beautiful thing to be able to love your work and love the people you do it with.

Love,

Ashley

Day 25-The Person Going Through The Worst of Times

Love,

Ashley

Day 24-The Person Who Gave You Your Favorite Memory

Dear ZachCook,

I can't pinpoint a favorite memory, to be honest, but I can say that 86% of my favorite moments in college include you in some way. Being with you is so effortless and comfortable, and I'm so glad that you're in my life!

I guess I can start with the drinking in Maria freshman year. I have vivid memories of sitting in your room with Ryan and Sam and drinking the night away to gossip, bitching, and country songs that made Ryan angry. I remember a couple particular nights-one night after Opera rehearsal you convinced me to come over for 'one drink', which usually entailed Ryan and I either napping in your room till 5am or walking home in the cold at 1 or 2am. Another time I absolutely cherish was doing line notes. You all fell asleep after a few drinks, but I had line notes to finish and by God I did finish them...at 6am.

And can we talk about MidWest? I mean...really. The scavenger hunt for the signs freshman year, when we fell in love with the golf carts, was truly something special! Haha. Riding in a golf cart with you is simply exhilarating. Except for the time when you almost killed me...you turned the car so sharp I fell out of the side of the cart!! And it was raining! I'm so sad I'll be missing MidWest this year...for other reasons, but golf carting with you is definitely in the top 3.

I always have fun when you're around. I love being with you when we're sober and I miss our wasted heart to hearts. I love that we never have to fight about anything and I love that we love Texas so much. I love that you say Nevada right and I love that you'll stand up to Sam and her crazy Mac obsession with me. (love you, Sam!) I love that you will hate our art teacher with me and we can shoot staple guns at his stupid still-life-shit until it shatters to a million pieces (or until we get frustrated with the staple guns and chuck the damn thing at the ground).

So, my favorite memory with you? Hopefully still to come, because I feel like we haven't had enough time together...I mean you've only been in my life for 2 solid years--there's so much more to do and so much more trouble to get into. I can't wait to have you back in my life, because I miss you a lot: No one wants to listen to good music with me!

Love,

Ashley

Day 22-Someone You Want to Give a Second Chance To

Dear Beliefs,

I miss you a little. I miss believing in something with all of my being. Maybe one day I'll find some sort of spirituality, but if there's one thing I've learned in my life, it's that I don't want a 'Religion'. I don't want the rituals and the rules and the belief that there is only one way to achieve enlightenment. I'm working on it, so just give me some time and some space and I will find something that works for me. Hope to meet with you soon!

"People follow different paths, straight or crooked, according to their temperament, depending on which way they consider best, or most appropriate--and all reach You, just as rivers enter the Ocean."

Love,

Ashley

Day 21-First Impression

Dear Zachary,

My first impression of you was not a bad one. If I'm going to be completely honest, (and I may as well be) I was immensely intimidated by you. 'Now there's a guy who knows what he wants' I thought to myself. Sure, you had closed yourself off to us a little with the whole "I'm a Transfer" vibe, but you were a strong person. I could tell. Your crazy hair kinda threw me for a loop. You were different...but I decided it was a good different. I didn't know if we'd be friends or not, or even if I'd like you. I didn't know if you would want to hang out with us 'young ones' or if you'd stay in your group. I did know that you seemed nice enough, so I just went with that. I knew that 4 years would either make or break us as a class and we'd roll with the punches as they came.

I'm still intimidated by you sometimes. Your ability to handle high stress situations and your ability to turn on and off the professionalism that charms so many people is utterly amazing. You're talented at so many things, and have a determination that I've always envied. You're so grounded in your beliefs and who you are as a person--another thing I'm envious of. You've taught me a lot-both in our profession and in life. And about alcohol. And I'm thankful for it all. My first impression of you was correct. You are a strong man who has immense determination and whose vision is very clear and attainable because...well...you're you!

I'm glad things changed and I'm glad that we got to be friends--because I consider you a very important and vital part of my life. I love and miss you here on the other side of the globe, but I know you're rocking Conservatory and showing the Freshmen what's up.

Peace & Love,

Ashley

Day 20-The One That Broke Your Heart

Dear Me,

You can only get your heart broken if someone has too much of it. The people to whom I've entrusted large pieces of my heart have kept it very safe as of yet. Thank you.

Love,

Ashley

Day 19-Someone Who Pesters Your Mind

Dear Katie,

You asked for a letter. Conveniently...I think about you a lot...and this is the letter I'm on!!

I'll start by saying I miss you. And I love you. Thank you for all the drives homes, the talks, and the late night truck rides to playgrounds. Thank you for all the tech days and the things you've taught me and the meaning of life discussions.

So here I am...halfway across the world...and there you are: Conservatory-ing it up...designing lights and sets and I feel like I'm missing a very important part of your life. And I'm even missing the non-important things. But I always think about you! When something funny happens, I want to tell you about it, or I want to give you 'the look' so you can roll your eyes with me at the two of them.

I want you to experience Europe with me! You'd love it here! The art and the history and the culture--I hope you're having a good time in Conservatory, but I also, selfishly, wish you were here. I need you to be my base of reason, my conscience, and I need to be able to give someone the judgement face with Ang. I need you to make bad decisions with me and laugh about it the entire time. I need you to cook good food and play monopoly and drink till we can't see straight.

I miss you so much, Katie. I'm so proud of all you've done...I feel like I've known you my whole life, when really I've known you for just at two years. You're one of my best friends and you are so incredibly talented and sweet. Your sass is an added bonus to the awesomeness that is you. You think you're not up to the challenge, but you always rise above and beyond whatever is expected of you, and I hope that one day you will see how truly talented you are and stop doubting yourself. Stop thinking you can't do things--because you've proven time and time again that you can do anything you set your mind to. Stop thinking your work isn't good enough--it's phenomenal. Keep yourself in check, but don't beat yourself up-you are a talented and amazing woman and I thank the "Fondue God" that we were "melted" together in the Class of 2012.

Love,

Ashley

Day 18-The Person You Wish You Could Be

Dear Self,

I have stared at this screen on and off for about 5 hours. Doing something, coming back. Uploading pictures, trying to decide what to write. And then it hit me.

I don't know who I want to be. And I think I've already covered this in my 'Dream Letter'. I don't want to be any one person--there's no one I envy or who I want to become. I want to be me...I'm just not exactly sure who that person is yet. And that's why I'm having trouble with this letter.

Love,

Ashley

Day 17-Someone From Your Childhood

Dear Collin,

Growing up with you was everything from a pain in the ass to the most wonderful thing. There was a point in our friendship when I considered you one of my best friends. I could tell you anything. We could talk forever about...life. And we did. I remember late night phone conversations with you for that lasted hours. I loved being with you and talking with you and having actual conversations. Your insight...even when we were young, has always astounded me.

Yes. Our friendship changed. But I want you to know that I love you and you are a very very special person to me. We know a lot about each other, and even though we hardly talk anymore, you still know me. You're a smart guy and I hope you get everything you want in life. Thank you for being the one I called when I was having a bad day, and thank you for cheering me up...Thank you for listening and your friendship and being a chapter of my life. I also want you to know that I so enjoyed talk to you the other day. It was such a pleasant surprise...I hope that happens again soon. I love you and wish you all the best in this life.

Love,

Ashley

Day 16-Someone That's Not in Your State/Country

Dear Jane,

You are a kick ass person. All around. As a person, as a stage manager, as a friend, as a party buddy. You just plain kick ass. You're a strong person, you have a compassion and a personality that is absolutely contagious. You know how to do your job and you're confident in your abilities.

This summer was a blast and it's still constantly on my mind. The fun and growing we did this summer was incomparable to anything I've ever experienced. Never before have I meshed with someone in a professional environment the way I did with you. The amount of hard work you put in this summer was absolutely astounding. And the best part? Even more than I liked working with you, I loved hanging out with you. Drinking and...other activities...at the cornfields or chillin on the deck at the Ritz or whatever the hell we decided to do...it was always a joy to be around you. I loved discussing the shows with you and getting deep about HAIR. I am so thankful to have shared that show with you. I am so glad that we could talk and discuss the show and what we thought it meant and be a part of that--together.

I wish with all my heart that when I go back to Webster Senior year that you would be there. I know that's not going to happen, but I still wish that it would.

You always knew what to say. You're a calm person and when I was having a shitty day (which, granted, were few and far between), you were always there to lend an ear and a witty comment to my bitchy statements. Thank you--for everything. I love you and I miss you and I know you're kicking ass and taking names at Milikin, but I wish it were at Webster.

Beads.Flowers.Freedom.Happiness.

Love,

Ashley

Day 15-The Person You Miss the Most

Dear Webster Family,

I miss you. I miss those I call my best friends. I miss those that I'm not close with and may only know by name. I miss those whose name I have yet to learn because they are the Class of 2014. I miss the camaraderie of the Conservatory that takes us through the year without (too many) mental breakdowns.

The spirit of the Conservatory has always inspired me. It has always reminded me why I do what I do and why I love my job. The passion I see each day is a reminder that there are happy people in the world and that not everyone hates their job. I watch the friendships grow and fall apart, I watch the drama unfold and I see the laughs, tears and everything in between--I'm a Stage Manager, after all...I pay attention.

Being half a world away is a strange sensation--one I've experienced before, but not on such a strong level. It is not something that comes in waves. It's constant. Is that a little dramatic? Maybe. It's not an ache that's in the forefront of my mind at every waking moment. It's a dull pain...like the few minutes after the first minute of jamming your finger. The pulsing, rhythmic, feeling when you can feel the blood running and pumping in your body. You're aware, but it doesn't hurt as much as it did a moment ago. It's that kind of ache.

Conservatory is my solid ground, my inspiration, my reason to get up and go another day and my confirmation and my encouragement. I miss Conservatory as a whole and I miss the individuals that make Conservatory what it is. I feel like I'm missing a lot--I'm having a bunch of new and amazing adventures here, but I'm also missing the crazy parties, cabarets, shows, and new people. And life goes on...which is the great thing. I'll come back in August next year and start my final year and live it up to be all that it can be, because my Conservatory family is going to be there--different and changed, but all still the same ole Webster. And I can't wait to see you all.

Love,

Ashley

In Milan...

Quote

Day 14-Someone You've Drifted Away From

Dear Heather,

You're a beautiful person. You're selfless and compassionate and fiery. You love the world around you, you love the people in it. We had the best of times and we shared blankets, late nights, hairbrushes, and our souls. You saw a part of me that not many saw.

I'm so sorry that you moved away--but that's selfish of me. Once you settled, you found yourself, you found a place that you belong. I was not as lucky, and I didn't even move 200 miles away. But you're strong and I love that about you. I miss you, so much! I miss our inside jokes and our talks and I'm sorry that I wasn't good about keeping in touch. We had a beautiful friendship, but I know that life takes its toll on anything, and that's what happened to us: life.

Well, I haven't heard your voice in over a year, but I love keeping up with you on Facebook and seeing you grow! I'll always cherish our crazy memories and the greatest gift of all: your love, support, and confidence. You are an amazing young woman and I wish you all the best that this world has to offer because you deserve it.

I coaster you,

Spork

Day 13-Someone You Wish Could Forgive You

Dear Taylor,

I don't know if it's even a matter of forgiving me anymore. We've grown apart, and I accept that. I don't like it, but it happened. But I do know that there was a specific point that ended the trust, the faith, in our friendship. I wasn't there for you when you needed me the most and all I can offer anymore is an apology and the lame but true excuse that I was young and sheltered. I'd be there for you now: If I could do it all over again, I wouldn't care what anyone said--you were my friend and I should have loved you no matter what. I'm sorry that I didn't see that and I'm sorry that our friendship came to an end because I was selfish and didn't know any better. I think of you often...even write on your Facebook wall sometimes, because I still care about you deeply. I know you've had a rough life, but it seems like you're in a good place now. I'd love to hear from you, if ever you feel like you need someone to listen.

Love,

Ashley

Day 12-The Person Who Caused You The Most Pain

Dear World,

I've let go.

Love,

Ashley

Day 11-A Deceased Person

Dear Billy,

I always wondered what I would call you if I had a grandpa. Grandpa Bill? PawPaw? I don't know. But I've always wanted to meet you. I imagine you would have told me all about Daddy when he was little. We would have so many things to talk about--you would teach me so much--things only a Grandpa can teach.

You'd tell me stories about hunting and all the family trips you took.You'd sit me on your lap at 5 years old and tell me about all the dangers of life. When I was 12 you'd tell me all the things you've seen--all the hardships you've experienced. Now, at 20, you'd impart to me the infinite wisdom of the universe and tell me that Daddy doesn't really know what he's talking about, but you do, because you're old and wise and have been through the mill. I'd laugh and say that my Daddy is smart and loving and compassionate and you'd smile and agree with me. Where do you think he gets it all, anyway?

They don't talk about you much, but I imagine you to be an amazing man, and I wish that I'd had the chance to meet you.

Love,

Ashley

Day 10-Someone You Don't Talk To As Much As You'd Like To

Dear Kam,

I know we're cousins, and we don't see each other very often, but every year at Christmas, I love hanging out with you more and more. I know you've got your license and you think you're hot shit, but you got a lot to learn, kiddo! I hope that you're smart. I know you're a good guy and I hope you'll grow up to be a responsible and loving man. I wish we could talk more, because I think we could actually be friends. I feel like I get to know you for two weeks and then you're gone from my life again. It's kinda sad. You're growing up so fast--I can't believe you're 17 already. I miss you and I can't wait to see you in December. I love you.

Love,

Ashley

Day 9-Someone You Wish You Could Meet

Dear 12 Year Old Self,

I know it's kind of weird that I want to meet you, because I was you. But now, with everything that has happened to me, I want to see you. Your creativity and spark. The secret spy journals you kept and watch all the games of pretend that ended only when it was dinner or bed-time. I want to watch you play cards with Daddy and shop with Mom and complain about the 'oldies' country music you've come to love.

I'd like you to know that life is good. You've grown up to be a pretty strong person. I'd like you to know that Mom and Dad really do know what's best for you. They love you and want to keep you safe. Let them. You'll have plenty of chances to rebel in college, so keep them happy for now. You think they don't know what's going on, but they do. They know you.

Keep an open mind. You'll get where you want to be, but you still have to try. Keep up friendships--it gets harder as you get older, just know that. I think the best and worst thing about you is your naivety. You see the world as this beautiful, perfect place and soon you'll find that it isn't. The trick to life is not ignoring the ugliness and pain of the world...it's finding the beauty and peace that's already there and clinging to it for dear life. Keep dreaming, because your dreams are worth it. I know you hate school, but keep on keeping on because you'll find a place where you belong. It's in St. Louis. You may think I'm crazy...but I promise. It will be home.

Don't stop writing. Don't stop journaling or composing stories and poems. Words are a powerful thing and...just don't stop. Love your friends and love your teachers. Learn to love the world around you and keep in mind that there is a higher power that is guiding you right to where I am sitting now. The world is going to take care of you, so don't worry, little me, you're going to be just fine.

Love,

Ashley

Day 8-Your Favorite Internet Friend

Dear StumbleUpon,

You never fail to entertain me. You've always got something crazy to show me--something to brighten my day. And I thank you for that. You've always been able to give me the perfect Recipes to bake with Ryan and the most addicting games to play on late nights when I should be sleeping. You show me the ends of the earth and the wonders of the world and all the places I have yet to explore and discover. I'm offered awe-inspiring pictures...photographs...polaroids...designs. Artistry from all corners of the world. So thank you, StumbleUpon, for always knowing what I need.

Love,

Ashley

Day 7-Your Ex Something

Dear Ex Crush,

Over it. Over you. I think you'll always have a little piece of my heart because we were really close friends, but I'm done. I wish you nothing but the best, but I also hope you can grow up a little...or a lot. I think about you sometimes, but mostly I miss being friends with you. Sorry it ended like it did, but I'm done.

Love,

Ashley

Day 6-A Stranger

Dear Stranger,

"Harmony and understanding. Sympathy and trust abounding. No more falsehoods or derisions. Golden living dreams of visions. Mystic crystal revelation and the mind's true liberation."

Live with passion. Live a life that you're proud of. Make decisions and promise not to regret them--everything happens for a reason. Our experiences shape who we are. Smile all the time, because you're going to light up someone's life, or at least their day. Be kind and compassionate, but stand up for what you believe in and, most importantly, know that you are loved. Life is worth all the bad stuff that you have to go through. There is a silver lining and you are strong enough to overcome it all.

Peace.Freedom.Happiness.

Love,

Ashley

Day 5-Your Dreams

Dear Dreams,

I don't expect much.

I want to be happy.

But if we're dreaming here, I'll be a little more specific. Sometimes, when I think about the future, I feel selfish because I want so much. But all the things that I want, the career, the family, the knowledge, the culture, the experiences, it really all boils down to one point: being happy. Loving my life.

I want more than anything to enjoy going to work. I don't want to have to live paycheck to paycheck and dread awaking in the morning because I'll have to enter a building that I despise. I want to constantly be excited by my work. I want the theatre that I stage manage to change lives. I want it to start a fire within someone. I want people to see theatre and reconsider or solidify their beliefs, their opinions, their thoughts. I want it to awaken someone's spirit.

"Life beats down and crushes our souls and theatre reminds us that we have one. At least the type of theatre that I'm interested in; that is,theatre that moves an audience. You have the opportunity to literally impact the lives of people if they work on material that has integrity..."
-Sanford Meisner

I want a family. I want to hold my baby in my arms. I want to have a husband who is the epitome of passion and love. I want romance and surprises and someone to make me smile on my most awful, terrible, no good days. But I know this does not make or break my life, so I'm not too worried about this part of my dreams.

I want to learn. But I don't want to learn in a school. Give me a textbook and command a chapter to read, and I'll hate you for it. Give me a plane ticket to Egypt and tell me to explore the pyramids and the history of their ancient society? Learning is hands on. It's something that you need to see to understand. The experiences you gain from another culture are irreplaceable. You've got to learn how other people live. You've got to understand that there are other people in the world and you've got to appreciate their lives, their beliefs, their thoughts. Travelling has been such an experience already, and I've only been in Vienna for 3 weeks! What a life I could live if I could travel for a long while.

I want to backpack across Europe with my best friend.

I want to cross off every single thing I wrote on my bucket list when I was 15.

I want to have this life that I've always envisioned, and I believe all you have to do is make it happen. I believe in fate, but you make your life what it is, so lookout, dreams. I'm gonna make it happen!

I'm smiling at the prospect of my future, and so I have to remember that the biggest part of life is not the actual future, but the roads that lead you there. The experiences you encounter along the way that shape your dreams and your future.

Above all, my dream is to be happy: doing whatever I'm doing, wherever I'm doing it.

Love,

Ashley