Day 4-Your Closest Relative

Dear Aint,

Thanks for being the awesome aunt that I can call whenever. I remember calling you the morning after I drunk dialed someone and it didn't go well. You've always been able to offer advice and calm me down. I somehow always get in trouble around you, but I love hanging out with you. I want to know more about your life, and one day I will. Thank you for always being there as someone to call and talk to whenever I need someone other than Mom.

I've inherited your love of photography and interest in family history--even though you think I'm not interested in it, I think it's awesome. You've taught me about life in general, and I can't wait to hear more of your life stories--you always seem to have one that fits perfectly with my life problems at the moment. I have vivid memories of you when I was younger- you were always there: braiding my hair, playing games, watching me, and just simply being there. It's been so great to have a positive, sarcastic, awesome influence like you. You're amazing and I love you so much!!

Love,

Ashley

Day 3-Your Parents

Dear Mom and Dad,

Most people are terrified of becoming their parents. Me? I see you in myself sometimes, and I'm proud. The most amazing thing you have done for me is never tried to make me who I'm not. You've never forced me to be anything--to do anything that I didn't want to. You've allowed me to grow while gently guiding me towards a life that you desire for me-a life of love and of peace and happiness. And there's nothing that I can say to thank you fro that. Nothing that I can do to show you that I really do appreciate your love and acceptance.

I know a lot of things changed when I moved to St. Louis. And I know that sometimes you're not as proud of me as you could be. But I'm making my own mistakes. I'm learning and I'm living a life that may not be the best one, but I could be doing worse. I have friends who take care of me and are there for me, and even though that's no replacement for a mom and dad's love, you should know that in St. Louis, I have people who care about me.

You've taught me to be who I am. You've grounded me in your views and beliefs and though I'm not sure what I think about all that anymore, I know that you believe it, and that's enough for me. Thank you for the love and the patience throughout the years. You've taught me how to love and how to view the world in a pure light. You've shown me how to be thankful and how to pray. You've taught me the beauty of the world, the value of family and how sometimes all you need is a good hug, a smile, and the words "It's going to be okay."

I love that you accept my career choice, cause sometimes I feel like I don't know what the hell I've gotten myself into. My dearest hope for you is that one day you get to travel the world and see everything you want. I want you to be explodingly happy and joyous and enjoy every day. I want everything for you, because you've given me everything. Above all, I want you to know that I love you and I am so thankful that I have parents who have taught me so much and that I can laugh and enjoy spending time with.

Love,

Ashley

Day 2-Your Crush

Dear Crush,

I don't even know how to start this letter. I thought I'd be able to come up with plenty to say...But it turns out this is slightly difficult-I'm a cross between a hopeless romantic and a pretty cynical person. I don't write well, you see, and I don't really talk that well either. In fact, a lot of times I feel like I don't know anything when I'm talking to you--movies, music, art, life, etc--but not in a bad way. Whenever I talk to you, it's more of a I-have-so-much-more-to-learn-and-discover kind of way.

And actually, someone that can instill that kind of curiousness in me? Pretty special. I'm not going to pretend to know you, or who you are, or where your life has taken you over the years. I'm just going to enjoy thinking you're adorable and smart and enjoy spending time with you.

I'm actually, secretly hoping that if I ever do meet 'The One', he possess a lot of the things I see in you. But I think that's a different letter for another day. Right now, I have to go travel the world, which I think you would really enjoy.

Love,

Ashley

Day 1-Your Best Friend

Dear Best Friend,

I vividly remember calling you in tears that night. The night that changed my life. The night Booker T. called and said I had been admitted, and if I wanted the spot I had to be there the next day. Tears. And you talked me through it and gave me the support and the calm that I needed. You've always been that for me, though. Not just that one night-all the time. You're calm and you're grounded. You've got your quirks and your craziness, but you've always been exactly what I needed. Sometimes my polar opposite; sometimes reflecting me.

It's been tough on me--HS and College that is. And I've lost a lot of things: friends, beliefs, and connections. But you? You're stronger than me. You've grown so much at college and I admit that at times, I'm jealous of your ability to stay strong for everything you know is right--because when it was my turn, I found that sometimes I couldn't. But right there is where I feel like I've wronged you. You are my best friend, but I feel like we're drifting because of me. Because I'm not the same person that I was when we baked pies and talked about hamster houses and clay masks and played pool and darts and went to dog parks and gave facials and painted nails. There are things I can't tell you, because even though I'm okay with my decisions, I know you'd be disappointed...and I just can't stand that feeling because I respect you so much. But I want you to know that you're one of the strongest women I know and that I love you so much. And maybe one day I'll come back to that girl I used to be. But right now, all I can offer is an apology and the fact that I miss you like crazy.

We still have good times, and I'm so thankful for that. We still share secrets and talk about the future and boys and crazy stories and about how we can't wait for life after college to begin. And that makes up for everything. Because when we're baking apple pie, everything is alright in the world because we're together and laughing and being crazy!! And the thought that I've always held is this: You stop being friends when you start reminiscing and stop making memories.

Well we're still making memories and I think you're a beautiful person. I hope you get everything you've ever wanted because you deserve even more than that. I love you.

Love,

Ashley.

30 days. 30 Letters.

A letter. It's an art. I'm not sure that I'm all that amazing at it, but I have a secret love for the beauty of pen to paper. It's thoughtful, it's original. It's personal and it's a lovely thing. It's too bad the art of letter writing has gone by the wayside with e-mails, facebook, blogs, etc.

Don't you remember that feeling? Of seeing your name penned on the outside of an envelope and beaming with excitement to look up in the left-hand corner and spoil the surprise of the sender? Or even better-No return address. You'd have to open it to find out!

I'd never send many of these letters. Maybe none.

So--September. A fresh start. To me, Summer is officially over. And all but one of my best friends are on the other side of the world--spread out through several states. But along with two of my amazing girls, we're going to write our way through September and see where it takes us!

Day 1 — Your Best Friend

Day 2 — Your Crush

Day 3 — Your parents

Day 4 — Your sibling (or closest relative)

Day 5 — Your dreams

Day 6 — A stranger

Day 7 — Your Ex-boyfriend/girlfriend/love/crush

Day 8 — Your favourite internet friend

Day 9 — Someone you wish you could meet

Day 10 — Someone you don’t talk to as much as you’d like to

Day 11 — A Deceased person you wish you could talk to

Day 12 — The person you hate most/caused you a lot of pain

Day 13 — Someone you wish could forgive you

Day 14 — Someone you’ve drifted away from

Day 15 — The person you miss the most

Day 16 — Someone that’s not in your state/country

Day 17 — Someone from your childhood

Day 18 — The person that you wish you could be

Day 19 — Someone that pesters your mind—good or bad

Day 20 — The one that broke your heart the hardest

Day 21 — Someone you judged by their first impression

Day 22 — Someone you want to give a second chance to

Day 23 — The last person you kissed

Day 24 — The person that gave you your favorite memory

Day 25 — The person you know that is going through the worst of times

Day 26 — The last person you made a pinky promise to

Day 27 — The friendliest person you knew for only one day

Day 28 — Someone that changed your life

Day 29 — The person that you want tell everything to, but too afraid to

Day 30 — Your reflection in the mirror

Vienna Waits for You

You got your passion you got your pride
But don't you know that only fools are satisfied?
Dream on but don't imagine they'll all come true
When will you realize
Vienna waits for you
--Billy Joel, Vienna.

So, here I am. In this beautiful, surreal, unreal place. And I love it in a big way. In a super huge, upside down, halfway across the world from everything I know, learn a lot every day, world traveler, new experiences kind of way.

Does a place like Vienna really exist? Do people really take Sunday as a rest day? Do shops really close at 8pm? The air is so subdued here. Relaxing and family take a heavy stand above almost everything else. The society here works like that. And I think it's a beautiful, lovely, special thing.

So my question is thus: What is keeping America so damn busy? Why are we rushing and running and yelling and screaming? The American Dream? Come on --Life is what you make of it. You should see it here in Vienna. The tones are low on the subways. You can be in a park full of screaming kids and you still would describe the air as calm. A society that doesn't place all of its needs and desires on who's working the longest hours, who's working the hardest.

No, the people of Vienna are not the warmest people in the world, but from what I've seen, they're happy. And isn't that all anyone wants? Screw the labels and the things you should be when you are old. Screw the finances and the retirement funds and the big fancy houses and the yard full of kids. Screw all the things you're "supposed" to have. I'm having the time of my life here. I'm learning, I'm adventuring, I'm exploring, I'm traveling, I'm loving the art and the history and the culture and the food and the beauty of this country. This is how I want to live my life.

When I grow up, I want to be happy.

You Have to Stand for Something...Or You'll Fall for Anything...

"Faith is truth to the willing"

The scariest part about believing in something anymore is the knowledge that I had that--I had the faith, I had the passion--and I've lost it. Somewhere between the unanswered prayers and the monotony of the church I grew up in, I lost it. I lost the love, I lost the belief--I lost everything that I thought I knew.

So maybe I don't believe in the conventional principles that I was brought up on. But as I go through this life...As I live and I learn and I discover new things and discuss new ideas...I'm finding things to believe in. And if that's not the Southern Baptist ideals and beliefs, then I'm learning to accept that.

But I believe in friends, I believe in the beauty of life. I believe in a divine power, I'm just not sure to what extent. I believe that a family that loves you is the most wonderful thing in the world. I think that exploring and learning is a necessary part of life. I think growing up is optional and so is suffering, though growing old and experiencing pain is not. I believe in mercy and grace and am trying my hardest to believe in the good of mankind: even though every news story and article and some people tries to prove me wrong. Maybe one day I will go back to what I had, because I'm not ruling anything out. Because part of me still believes what my younger self did, I can't let it go completely and maybe I'll find that again.

I believe that life is meant to be lived and people are meant to be loved, and if I'm wrong, then at least I'm living a life that I can be proud of.

I regret that I cannot articulate my feelings as well as some...that I can't articulate my beliefs in a more sophisticated sounding article. But I guess that's just not who I am right now. That's not my life. And I'm okay. Because I'm content. I'm happy at this very moment in time, and that's what I've been striving for for a long time now, and I finally feel like I'm accomplishing something.

The Lucky Ones

Today is going to be a good day. I can tell. Maybe it has something to do with the fact that I don’t have to be anywhere for another 5 hours, and that’s a relief, but today just feels good. It also feels like one of those days that nothing is going to get accomplished in. I’ve had a lot of those lately…mostly involving my best friends and obscene amounts of alcohol. But I’ve also had some of the best days of the semester in the past few weeks.

With the end of the semester seeming to dance before me, taunting me with the many things that it brings, I can’t help but be wary of this new beginning, and I can’t help but think that this is the end of something. I want May to be a beginning, but I just don’t want it to be the end. And yet with the pending approach of the last day of school (44 days in all), I feel excited for an ending.

It’s not an ending though!! I’ll be gone for just under two years…the length of time I’ve known these crazy people I call my best friends. I know I’m being redundant. And I know even more that I’m stating conflicting thoughts. The only thing I can comfort myself in is that Life is happening, whether I want it to or not. It’s going to keep on rolling, and I just have to hang on and make the most of it.

I have to love the challenges life throws at me, and I have to create challenges for myself. Part of that includes blogging a little more. There’s something about a paper to pen that I crave–that I love–but if I can get my thoughts out quicker on a computer, then that’s the really important thing. So here’s to the challenges of life–here’s to life kicking me in the ass, and here’s to the friends that will always be there to help me up.