Every Moment

There are 45 days left. Sorry...make that 44 since it's 3 in the morning.

45 days till they're gonna kick us out in to the real world. All 12 of us--and we've got our fingers crossed so damn hard that we've learned something worthwhile over the past 4 years: between school and summerstock and internships, maybe we've found something to hang on to that will help us live.

Every sleepless night. Every almost-unfinished project. Every rendering we wanted to rip to shreds. Every fundies project we bitched about. Every drafting, every sound file, every light demo. There have been shows and tech weeks and hell weeks and days where we would rather be in hell, cause it couldn't be much worse than where we were right then. There have been tears and fights and "WTFs" (lots of those) and "Can you believe x, y, & z?". Hugs, love, drugs, and alcohol. Rock and roll and show tunes and everything in between. For every shitty day there was one that made it all worth it. For every fucked up cue we called, there was a perfect button that made us smile like idiots. For every time we thought we'd ruined the show, there was a moment when we found out, 'yeah, it can get worse', and the precious few moments when we realized and remembered that this is school and...really, it's gonna be okay. For every great idea--for every sucky one. Every zoo trip, every road trip, every seemingly-endless summer. For every year away and long phone calls and facebook messages just to say "I miss you", "I love you", or "Please come home now". There were fall breaks and winter breaks and spring breaks. There were moments of pure happiness and things that broke our hearts. For each and every crazy party and the mornings after. Every hug. Every kiss. Every "Hey, can you come over". Every toast, every shot. For all the times when we realized we were never alone.

Every moment.


45 days will give us another beginning. Another chance.

Here's to you, the future of theatre.

Lest We Forget Why

May your work be compelling and original. May it be profound, touching, contemplative, and unique. May it help us to reflect on the question of what it means to be human, and may that reflection be blessed with heart, sincerity, candor, and grace. May you overcome adversity, censorship, poverty and nihilism, as many of you will most certainly be obliged to do. May you be blessed with the talent and rigor to teach us about the beating of the human heart in all its complexity, and the humility and curiosity to make it your life's work. And may the best of you - for it will only be the best of you, and even then only in the rarest and briefest moments - succeed in framing that most basic of questions, "how do we live?" Godspeed.

- John Malkovich

I'll Think of a Reason Later

A couple thoughts...

1. Knowing what you had and knowing the moment you lose it is worse than the proverbial "you don't know what you've got till it's gone."

2. I can learn to be happy in any situation if I try hard enough.

3. This whole "49 days till Graduation" is scaring the shit out of me. Pretending to be excited is hard, yo. I'm hoping I'll believe my excitement one day.

4. If a friendship is worth it, you'll give up almost anything.

5. This need to be in Europe is not a phase. I'm not going to grow out of it, it's not going to go away. I will make it happen. I'm nervous and anxious and I know people will tell me no...but I can and will make this happen for myself.

Thought Catalog--Your 20's

I will make this happen.

My dreams are crazy--they are not unattainable.

I will follow through on this.

I won't listen to the people who say I can't.

Why Being In Your 20s Is Awesome

MAR. 22, 2012 

By RYAN O'CONNELL

I know I talk crap on being a twentysomething but I’m only half-kidding. In actuality, there’s no age I’d rather be. (Besides maybe seven years old because they don’t do anything besides eat ice cream and poop themselves. That sounds like an ideal life to be completely honest.)

Being in your twenties is all about discovering which things hurt you and what makes you feel good. You go in blindly, practically pricking yourself with a dull blade, and then you walk out with tougher skin. One day you’ll stop pricking yourself altogether. Maybe. I don’t know. How would I? I’m just a twentysomething, remember?

This is what your twenties are for — to feel and see as much as you can, to take advantage of not being tied down to anything and anyone and to go balls to the wall with everything that you do. You’re a raw nerve. You hate getting upset over little things, about being constantly unraveled by ignored text messages, parents, grades, and friends, but you have to remember something: you don’t know yourself entirely yet. Before the age of 20, you were mostly under your parents care, a reflection of what was going on around you. You didn’t have the option to make your own choices. You were merely living the life someone set out for you.  Being in your twenties allows you to start carving out the life you want for yourself. Everything is on your terms now which seems daunting but is actually liberating. For the first time in your life you’re the boss.

It’s important to talk about why your twenties are great because it seems like we spend so much of our time wanting to be somewhere else other than where we are. Think about it. Why the hell are we in such a hurry to live some boring grown up adult life that we saw at a Crate & Barrel? Because once we do get there, we’re stuck for a long time. The novelty’s going to wear off, we’re going to get married and have babies, and everything will be amazing but don’t think for a second that you won’t be nostalgic for this time. Don’t think for a second that you’re not going to miss those nights you spent putting on your make up, changing five million times, drinking wine, smoking cigarettes out your apartment window, and going to some silly party, a party that feels like all the others you’ve been to but still has the right to feel special. You will miss all of this. This is a luxury. It’s going to leave us eventually so you better freaking enjoy it. You better enjoy every lame ass party, every awkward kiss, every 5 AM hangover, every drug experience, every crappy apartment, because one day it will all be gone and you’ll just be left with the pictures and the bruises and nothing else. Youth is fu**ing magic. Don’t you get it? Look at your skin! Touch it. Look at your smooth legs and stomach. Grab it. When you’re older, you’ll want all of this again so bad. You’ll possibly spend so much money to get some semblance of it back. Now it’s yours for free.

We’re not stuck. Even if it feels like we are, it’s not true. We’re the opposite of stuck. As twentysomethings, we’re constantly moving — apartments, relationship, cities, jobs. Anything is possible. People are ready for you. They want to hear what you have to say. They look at you and are curious about what words are going to come out of your mouth. You’re the new generation. What do you have to say? Don’t bite your tongue. One day you’ll be pushed aside for a younger “fresher” perspective so you better get it out now. Make a mark. Make a stain. Make something.

I want to remember the fear, I want to remember the promise, I want to remember the nights I wanted to curl up in a ball, I want to remember the people I’m not supposed to remember, I want to remember not knowing myself, I want to remember the moment I started to feel safe and like this life I’m leading is really mine. I’m going to be scared, I’m going to bruise my knees and not know how they got there, I’m going to try to fruitlessly forge a connection with someone who won’t ever get it, I’m going to lose the person that means the most to me and find my way back to them. I’m going to be a twentysomething because that’s what I am and all I know how to be.  And you should too. You should love every single moment of this hot mess of a decade. Chances are you’ll miss it before you even get to say “I’m 30.” 

I Believe

I believe in magic;

in wind blowing through smoke,

in grass growing around concrete,

in trees growing from garbage,

& life springing out of decay.

I believe in small miracles, 

 in phoenixes & pixies

in laying in the grass until

the sun comes up again

& counting stars all night

in swimming

in a lake, at night

till we cant feel our fingertips

I believe in talking to someone new everyday,

in coloring a dismal building

with cheerful words

& standing up for the silent

I believe we have to save ourselves,

yet you have & continue to help me

I believe in rocking the line between

loneliness & independence

& finding beauty in the breakdown

I believe in feeling hail, sunburn, & wind.

I believe that roses have their thorns,

& that's what makes them beautiful.

I believe that time waits for no man,

& no matter your circumstances,

the world keeps turning.

Emily Sexton 2010