You Have to Stand for Something...Or You'll Fall for Anything...

"Faith is truth to the willing"

The scariest part about believing in something anymore is the knowledge that I had that--I had the faith, I had the passion--and I've lost it. Somewhere between the unanswered prayers and the monotony of the church I grew up in, I lost it. I lost the love, I lost the belief--I lost everything that I thought I knew.

So maybe I don't believe in the conventional principles that I was brought up on. But as I go through this life...As I live and I learn and I discover new things and discuss new ideas...I'm finding things to believe in. And if that's not the Southern Baptist ideals and beliefs, then I'm learning to accept that.

But I believe in friends, I believe in the beauty of life. I believe in a divine power, I'm just not sure to what extent. I believe that a family that loves you is the most wonderful thing in the world. I think that exploring and learning is a necessary part of life. I think growing up is optional and so is suffering, though growing old and experiencing pain is not. I believe in mercy and grace and am trying my hardest to believe in the good of mankind: even though every news story and article and some people tries to prove me wrong. Maybe one day I will go back to what I had, because I'm not ruling anything out. Because part of me still believes what my younger self did, I can't let it go completely and maybe I'll find that again.

I believe that life is meant to be lived and people are meant to be loved, and if I'm wrong, then at least I'm living a life that I can be proud of.

I regret that I cannot articulate my feelings as well as some...that I can't articulate my beliefs in a more sophisticated sounding article. But I guess that's just not who I am right now. That's not my life. And I'm okay. Because I'm content. I'm happy at this very moment in time, and that's what I've been striving for for a long time now, and I finally feel like I'm accomplishing something.

The Lucky Ones

Today is going to be a good day. I can tell. Maybe it has something to do with the fact that I don’t have to be anywhere for another 5 hours, and that’s a relief, but today just feels good. It also feels like one of those days that nothing is going to get accomplished in. I’ve had a lot of those lately…mostly involving my best friends and obscene amounts of alcohol. But I’ve also had some of the best days of the semester in the past few weeks.

With the end of the semester seeming to dance before me, taunting me with the many things that it brings, I can’t help but be wary of this new beginning, and I can’t help but think that this is the end of something. I want May to be a beginning, but I just don’t want it to be the end. And yet with the pending approach of the last day of school (44 days in all), I feel excited for an ending.

It’s not an ending though!! I’ll be gone for just under two years…the length of time I’ve known these crazy people I call my best friends. I know I’m being redundant. And I know even more that I’m stating conflicting thoughts. The only thing I can comfort myself in is that Life is happening, whether I want it to or not. It’s going to keep on rolling, and I just have to hang on and make the most of it.

I have to love the challenges life throws at me, and I have to create challenges for myself. Part of that includes blogging a little more. There’s something about a paper to pen that I crave–that I love–but if I can get my thoughts out quicker on a computer, then that’s the really important thing. So here’s to the challenges of life–here’s to life kicking me in the ass, and here’s to the friends that will always be there to help me up.