Rest in Reason & Move in Passion

Funny thing about the Timeline--you find things you forgot you put into cyberspace. I don't remember the context of me finding this quote: where I found it, how I happened upon it, or what it meant to me at the time. But I know that right now, what it means to me is exactly what it says. It's an inspiration for the new year.

There is reason. There is passion. And you need both to get you through. One without the other is useless--hopeless for guiding any life. They work together, one with the other to help judge your decisions, live your dreams, and love.

And the priestess spoke again and said: "Speak to us of Reason and Passion."

And he answered saying:
Your soul is oftentimes a battlefield, upon which your reason and your judgment wage war against passion and your appetite.
Would that I could be the peacemaker in your soul, that I might turn the discord and the rivalry of your elements into oneness and melody.
But how shall I, unless you yourselves be also the peacemakers, nay, the lovers of all your elements?
Your reason and your passion are the rudder and the sails of your seafaring soul.
If either your sails or our rudder be broken, you can but toss and drift, or else be held at a standstill in mid-seas.
For reason, ruling alone, is a force confining; and passion, unattended, is a flame that burns to its own destruction.
Therefore let your soul exalt your reason to the height of passion; that it may sing;
And let it direct your passion with reason, that your passion may live through its own daily resurrection, and like the phoenix rise above its own ashes.
I would have you consider your judgment and your appetite even as you would two loved guests in your house.
Surely you would not honour one guest above the other; for he who is more mindful of one loses the love and the faith of both.
Among the hills, when you sit in the cool shade of the white poplars, sharing the peace and serenity of distant fields and meadows - then let your heart say in silence, "God rests in reason."
And when the storm comes, and the mighty wind shakes the forest, and thunder and lightning proclaim the majesty of the sky, - then let your heart say in awe, "God moves in passion."
And since you are a breath In God's sphere, and a leaf in God's forest, you too should rest in reason and move in passion. 

-Kahlil Gibran

In The End

Bend But Don't Break

I don't want to appear so naive as to say I thought things would be the same. But I guess somewhere, a small part of me hoped life would pick back up where it left off when I went away for that magical year. That year that exists somewhere in space--I know it happened, but it seems like a dream sometimes because it was so fantastical. I did things I'd never dreamed of and saw things I can't get out of my head. Vienna is constantly on my mind--a year later and it's no different that it was the third week I was back in the states. It's unexplainable and it's crazy, but unless you've been there--unless you've felt this connection, this bond, you can't understand that I left my heart in a city I lived in for only 3 months.
So I came back and I guess I was hoping to start where I left--with people...with life. But things change. Some for the better, I concede, but some for the worse. And it's the part of me that hoped relationships would be the same that was the stupid part. Because people change: we grow, we evolve, we learn. We see new things and it changes the way we look at life, the way we live, the things we do, the way we are. And I guess the fear now is the one of not reconnecting.
Essentially, the fear of change. Coupled with the fear of the unknown, the fear that "the path I've been working so hard to get on is the one that will take me furthest away from where I want to be".
Senior year is gonna rock so hard--but I have to get over this initial phase and accept that things have changed--and life is all about rolling with the punches and taking what you get. And that may take a little while, but I'll do it, and my senior year is going to be epic.

Postsecrets

both of these could have easily been mine.

Bold and Bright

She thinks, "Hey, how did I come to this? 

I dream myself a thousand times around the world 

But I can't get out of this place". 

There's an emptiness inside her 

And she'll do anything to fill it in 

But all the colors mix together - to grey 

-Grey Street- 

Dear Vienna

Small Town Woes vs Big City Dreams

It's hard to be cooped up in this tiny town now that I know there is so much more out there. There are castles and battlegrounds and churches beautiful beyond comprehension. There are fabulous gowns in museums of note, there are items that changed the course of history sitting in a glass case somewhere. There is SO MUCH excitement and adventure, and I can't seem to reach any of it for the life of me.
I miss St. Louis. But I miss Vienna more. As I heard from a friend "My heart beats with the heartbeat of Wien". Almost a year after leaving for that incredible journey--of life, of friendship, growth, and exploration. I still think of it every day.
I can't wait to be out of Sullivan--The "tiny town" is okay for a while, but I need the comfort that comes from a big city--a bustling metropolis of lights and excitement and movement. For the immediate future, that's going to be St. Louis-for the distant future, I don't know--and people keep asking me the 'after graduation' question--but I just don't know. And it terrifies the hell out of me--not knowing. And I realize that my chosen profession is simply asking for a life of uncertainty, but it can still freak me out.
I need my friends back. The ones I haven't seen in a year. The ones that keep me sane and know me so well that I don't have to tell them "what's wrong" or "why" this, that, or the other. There are some really amazing people here in Sullivan--some I'm going to be very sad to part ways with, and some not at all, and some it doesn't really matter either way. So, excluding the people I'm going to miss having in my life--GET ME OUT OF HERE!!!

To Say the Least

"I don't remember your laugh any more. To be perfectly honest, I don't remember your voice, either. And finally, I'm okay with it. I'm no longer looking forward to seeing you again, and I'm not really worried about if I do ever see you again. Thinking of you gives me significantly fewer butterflies, and I don't miss you anymore. We call this moving on, and I'm getting rather good at it."

St. Stephens

This towering beauty looms over its square with splendor and grace. History exudes from it's intricately tiled roof and, oh, if walls could talk! St. Stephan's Cathedral is among the most beautiful places in Vienna. Stephansplatz--the city center, was an almost daily sight when I lived just a few train stops away.



Stephansplatz and Stephanskirche in Vienna

Everything is seeming to crash on me at once. And constantly. Think waves. Not the lazy river kind, but the surfing kind. The ones that cap so magnificently and steal you away for those few moments when you're not sure if you're gonna breathe again any time soon.
Missing Vienna is hard. It's so incredible to talk about it with people who have been there--to share stories and reminisce about those surreal 3 months we spent in that beautiful place. I feel really lucky to be connected like that. But talking about it sometimes just makes me miss it more. Life was easy in Vienna. Life was nearly perfect, and it it wasn't always just that, a little slice of anna torte from Demels could have made it so. The thing about missing Vienna is even though I want to go back--I have to go back--I don't know when that's going to be. It could be right after college, it could be when I'm 74. The determination is there, so I know I will be back, but it's the waiting that's killing me. It's the fact that I can't spout off all the stops on the U1 anymore, and it's that the smell of Kebaps and Maronis are slowly fading from my senses. The pictures are beautiful and stories are wonderful reminders, but nothing is quite as real as it is when you emerge from underground at Stephansplatz with St. Stephens towering over you in the square.
I have loved theatre for a very long time. And I hope that my frustration with it passes as quickly as it came. I want to love my job again. I want to be on fire for the art form that is unlike any other. There is so much that I remember loving about theatre, and I want it back. And that's all I'm going to say about that, because I could write about it for hours and not say everything I'm thinking.
Other thoughts that don't need explanations:
-I can't wait for October.
-I'm excited for HP7pt2
-I miss my family
-Sometimes all you need is a new perspective, a little encouragement, a short pep talk, and some words of wisdom from a really amazing friend. Add all that together, and you've got to feel at least a little better.
-You may be the missing piece to a puzzle, but it isn't necessarily this one.