Life.

Journal 2

We are supposed to be keeping up "journals" for Museum Studies, as a part of the whole package we turn in for a final grade at the end of our Study Abroad Semester. I keep a personal journal, and find it redundant to keep a "class journal", so I just write when I feel inspired--when I can't hold the excitement, the beauty, the wonder in any more. So this is a journal entry I wrote on a train going so fast it was hard to make out the countryside as we sped by.

I’ve been to the top of the world and the ends of the earth. I’ve stood in valleys and rivers and felt the rain in London. I’ve seen grass greener than fresh cooked green beans and water bluer than the sky at its bluest. I have heard stories of Kings and Queens and learned the magical histories of their castles. I’ve sped by millions of people on the street, in a train, on the subway—and I don’t know any of their names! I have seen sunny days and rainy days and cold days and everywhere in between. I’ve listened to hundreds of songs and written pages of information and taken thousands of pictures. I’ve heard so many languages—so many dialects—so many accents—each singing with a different tone, every one pulsing to its own rhythm and beat of the centuries of its existence. I’ve stood in the ghostly footsteps of some of the most influential people in history and I’ve stood at their graves. I’ve explored and I’ve seen comfort and I’ve felt love and I’ve felt welcome and I’ve missed home. I’m living this life I couldn’t have dreamed up if I’d tried-and--so many times--I've stood in absolute wonder at this world.

What's In a Word?

About a month ago, I finished "Eat. Pray. Love." By Elizabeth Gilbert. It was a beautiful story and had some wonderful words of wisdom. It was just a generally encouraging story about a woman on a quest to find herself and make herself a stronger person. One thing she talked about was a "Word". She used it to describe herself. One word. One single word to encompass something. Think about it. There are millions of words in the English language. Can you pick just one to describe an entire person? What about an entire city?

I decided to incorporate that into my travels here in Europe. So, if you're interested, here's my City-By-City One Word List, that I've compiled so far, with a few sentences tacked on.

Vienna—Serenity

The air here is so calm and peaceful. No one is in a particular hurry—the pace of the society is very relaxed and “go with the flow”.

Brussels—Excitement

The people in Brussels are having fun. They love their country and city and are proud of the fact that they love it. They smile a lot and are happy living life (and drinking beer).

Amsterdam—Hustle

Everyone is in a hurry and on a mission. The pace of this city is a very intense one. There is little regard for those who may be in the way when you’re trying to get somewhere.

Venice—Nonchalant

Beauty absolutely radiates from this city. The boats slowly floating down the Grand Canal are a sight to see: small, large, fast, slow, gondolas, motorboats—the variety is amazing. The water in Vencie is a beautiful, surreal blue and teal. It was a very calming experience to be on the water without cars all around. Listening to the waves at night and seeing the lights reflect onto the water was breathtaking. The people here know they live in a beautiful city and they embrace the artistry of it all, but they are nonchalant in the way that they are able to go about their lives in this city of wonders.

Milan—Classy

Known for its high fashion, Milan lived up to its fancy hype. The small portion we explored was smooth feeling and an open air kind of beautiful.

Verona—Lovely

The quaint city in Northern Italy was silent on Sunday morning. The windows were shuttered and the store fronts were dark. In the city of Shakespeare’s greatest mystical romance, it was difficult to remember the story was fiction.

Paris—Elegant

Sleek, natural, and sparkly, the pace in Paris was constant. The city of lights always had a stream of people going, coming, photographing, and standing in awe of The Iron Lady. The buildings stood tall and strong and proud—icons of the city they protect and shelter.

Salzburg—Tasteful

In a city that holds true to Austrian heritage, it was really cool to see traditional German clothing being worn in every-day life. Seeing men in lederhosen and women in dirndls was a reminder of how much the people of Austria care about where their city and country has come from.

Dachau—Broken

The air was heavy and silent. The day we visited, it was even raining. The sadness and pain of generations past crushed down on the entire camp. It was heartbreaking to walk in the footsteps of strangers who died there, who were humiliated and traumatized, and to walk in the footsteps of their captors.

Bavaria—Regal

The castles were like stepping into a fairytale: the art, the history, the elegance. It was surreal to just imagine that this was someone’s home and life at one point in history.

London—Magical

There is so much mystery surrounding London—it’s history, the myths, and the stories that have been set there. There are legends; there are the mystical natures of the castles and the traditions that exist in the societies of London. To be in a city with so many possibilities is magical in the way that you feel like anything can happen if you phrase your wish just right.

Dublin—Alive

Friendly, beautiful, breathtaking, home, spectacular, natural. The most beautiful landscapes are in Ireland. The friendliest people are in Ireland. Ireland has been filled with turmoil in the past, but today the Irish rejoice in the beauty of living.

Lost Art

I wrote a letter today. To my dear friend in the Big Apple. Affectionately, my Big Apple Pen Pal. Her name is Samantha and she writes in the most adorable bubbly cursive and she has such a way with words. I don't possess her ability, but I love to be a receiver of her letters. I convinced Ang to check the mail yesterday and, sure enough, there were two letters sitting quietly amidst the adds for German supermarkets and IKEA. I smiled the rest of the walk home. I was so excited to read the letter, but I wanted to savor the note, so I stopped myself from shredding the cute pink envelope open before I got to some light.

Naturally, I wrote her back today, and today, I experienced one of the most beautiful days since I've been here. I was at the park right across from Webster, and it was a cliche-worthy beautiful day. The sun was shining hard enough that I didn't even need a jacket. I was comfortable in the sun, the reflection of the sun on the water not too bright, but shiny enough to be slightly ethereal. I sat on the steps looking out over the Danube and wrote to my Big Apple Pen Pal telling her all about Vienna, asking about the Big Apple, and sent along a mini-German Lesson. She'll be here soon, after all. I sat there for a moment, dreading 2:00 because that would mean I'd have to leave this perfect little paradise I'd discovered. I took it all in. I took in Vienna. The light, the breeze, the Danube, the grass I was sitting near, and the seemingly ordinary cement stairs upon which I was seated. Compared to some places here in Europe, or even in Vienna, it's nothing spectacular. But it's a quiet spot with a great view, and for a moment, I forgot that I was thousands of miles from everyone I love.

Writing letters makes me feel connected. I love the pen to paper. Like my Big Apple Pen Pal said, it's amazing to hold something that she held just a week ago in her hand as she thought of me! The lost art of letter writing is something that I wish would be picked up again. It's a personal way to show someone that you took time to think about them. You care enough to take time out of your day.

You found the pen. It was hidden under the stack of books or in the bottom of your backpack. The paper was a little harder. You tore it out of your Psychology notebook or you stole a piece of paper from the lab. You sat down at your desk. Or you found a nifty nature spot. Or you're writing it on your commute. Whatever it is, you're giving up something to do this. You're taking the time to do this as opposed to an email. They will see your handwriting, your mistakes, your scribbles, your doodles, the heaviness of the hand, the splotch of coffee that spilled when the train hit a bump. This paper is your thoughts and a snippet of your life for just a few moments.

So. Go find a pen. Find some paper. Find an address of a friend and write.

Ask them how they are...I bet their Facebook Status isn't telling the whole story.

Piece of Advice

Day 30-Your Reflection In the Mirror

'Every man dies, but not every man lives.'

Dear Me,

Hi. Take a look at you!! From where you were a few years ago, I hardly recognize you in a good way!! That scar on your left arm from that fateful night of Hair this summer. The wrinkles under your eyes from not getting enough sleep Freshman year. The laugh lines you created when you were not getting enough sleep last year. The two rings on your fingers that remind you of two of the most important women in your life. The necklace that reminds you of a best friend and the other that reminds you of a loving grandmother. The deep breaths you take when you look in the mirror, thinking you're not ready for the day, but by God, you just gotta get out there anyway.

Take a look!! Look at where your life has gone! You've experienced so much. You've explored new cultures, new things, new countries...new CONTINENTS! I'm proud of you. I love that you're getting more confident. I know you're not quite there yet, but maybe someday you'll be able to look at yourself every day and believe that you are beautiful. But you're so close! I think that this year is going to be hard for you, as it's already proven itself slightly trying. Starting the semester by leaving a new family this summer was pretty tough. Not being near your friends this semester is killer, but you're getting through! Just remember that you're making new memories, experiencing new stories that you'll get to tell them, but you just have to live!!

I think that's what you're doing now, and I'm so proud of you for simply living. Live with peace, and live with love. Work with joy and love without conditions. And only then will you find happiness. You'll find it in your work, your loves, your friends, your hobbies, the sunshine, the cold, the hot, the grass, the mountains. You will find life and love in all of these things.

I know it's hard, but stop worrying. Don't worry about what you're going to do next semester. Work on it, but don't worry about it. Stop worrying about your friend and your family. Worry doesn't DO anything. It's all for naught because fate will have it's way--the world will still turn and you can't do anything about it, so for the benefit of all those around you, just LOVE with your whole heart. Pray for peace and understanding in the world--not just for yourself, but for those around you and pray for happiness and love on the earth.

Love,

Ashley

Day 29-Someone You Want To Tell Everything To, But Are Too Afraid

So, I hate to cop out on the next to last letter...but there's no one that I want to tell everything to but am too afraid to do so...And let's be honest...if there was, I wouldn't do it on the World Wide Web. So there. =)

Love,

Ashley

Day 28-Someone Who Changed Your Life

Dear Angela,

How could I ever have imagined, Freshman year, when I first met you with the most basic of "Hi! I'm Ashley. How are you?" that that was the beginning of an amazingly spectacular friendship? Put quite simply, you're everything to me!! You're my drinkin buddy, my party buddy, my late-night chat friend, my listener, my common sense, my moral compass (sometimes), my conscience (every so often), my encourager, my Scrubs/Grey's/Big Bang/Castle/White Collar watching partner, my inside joke vault, and a well of unending laughter and always--the promise of a good time filled with crazy shenanigans.

I remember filling out our Roommate Contract Freshman Year. We joke about it now every chance we get--How housing must not have looked at our housing surveys at all, because we were almost polar opposites--we still are, but we've learned to compromise, at least! You like to stay up late, I'd rather get up early. You like studying with music and I need quiet. I like country music and you like...everything but. After all the horror stories we heard about 2 SMs living together, I was wary...what if you started to hate me? What if I got on your nerves? Would we be able to live together peacefully? Would we be too competitive to coexist in the same 12 square feet of space provided to us by Webster? I didn't know the answer to any of these things. But we love theatre. And we love having fun. And that's what I've spent the last two years of my life doing with you and I wouldn't trade a second.

You've taught me about how to live life by just living it yourself. We've explored together and cried and laughed and bitched together. You're always the person I go to when I can't handle my life, because you'll always put it in perspective for me. You have always encouraged me and always know the right things to say when I'm fed up with the world. I know you've been through some stuff, but you're strong. You're a strong person and a kick ass Stage Manager. You know how to handle high stress situations both in life and in professionalism.

I love talking to you about anything--everything. At the beginning of the year Freshman Year, I was sure we'd be tired of each other by the end, but I was ready for more! "Let's live together again!", we decided. East Hall turned out to be a winner. We had a great time and an amazing year full of drunk, sober, and everywhere in between nights that turned out to be some of my favorite memories. Thank you for everything. It's never an effort to be with you--I can always be myself and for that I thank you and love you.

Traveling Europe with you has been such an amazing adventure--and it's not even halfway done!! I couldn't pick anyone else that I'd want to travel with as much as I love traveling with you. We've learned so much and I love 'pretending' to be a real student with you. I love going random places with you and not having plans. I love planning our lives after college and I love everything about our lives right now. I'm sorry this letter is not more articulate, but I feel like I always tell you everything and you know pretty much everything about me.

Next semester will be the first time in 28 Months that we will most likely not see each other for a solid 4 months. I am going to miss you so much, but I know you will have a great time at your internship and learn so much. I can't wait to come back Senior Year and rock the shit out of WebCo with you. I love you so so much.

Love,

Ashley

Day 27-The Friendliest Person You Knew For Only a Day

Alright, a little back story on this one:: Zlatgo is the vendor down the street from our dorms here in Vienna that sells AMAZING food. It's so delicious!! Ang and I go there way too often, so I see him a lot, but only for about 10 minutes at a time. So here goes!

Dear Zlatgo,

Thank you for your delicious food! I feel like Ang and I eat at your stand too much because you not only know what our orders are, but when I order something different, you know what I want on it too!

I know your German isn't very good, but that's okay...mine isn't either!! Thanks for not getting annoyed when I try to speak really crappy German to you, and I think it's really great to play the "What's this called in your language" game!

You are always so kind and friendly, and I wish I could speak more fluent German so I could talk to you more and learn about you--you seem like a very interesting person who has seen a lot of life and a lot of world. Good luck in your business and in life and thank you for (almost) always being open whenever Ang and I need some lunch or dinner!!

Love,

Ashley

Day 26-The Last Person You Made a Pinky Promise To

Dear MA,

I'm pretty sure we pinky promised that night at The Cornfields. If we didn't, then I did it in my head...and I'm going to write to you all anyway.

Solidarity.

We had a great plan. =) Props, kids, we did it!!

Those were some crazy times. Not only that week, but the entire summer. You guys made my summer. Period. End of discussion. If I had not had the three of you to fall back on and bitch to and party with, the summer would not have been the same.

Ryan, I'm glad we got to be closer over the summer. Last year, I missed what we had Freshman Year (follow that? yikes). You are so very talented at what you do and an amazing person to work with. I hope I get to work with you again in Conservatory, because I absolutely loved it this summer. Thanks for all the heart to hearts and gossips and drinking and...such. Zach trained you well (kidding). We had some crazy times and I hope that when I get back to Webster we will have even more ridiculous shenanigans. On the down side, I miss you even more while I'm here. You're going to have a great time here in Vienna--you'll love every day and I just know it! A very selfish part of me wishes you were here with me now, and not at Webster designing and being fantastical and rocking Conservatory. Love you mean it!

Doc, my life without you=less awesome. Your crazytalk got me through some days and you never failed to brighten my day. I'm sorry I killed you in round 3...it was just too easy, darling. Thank you for this summer--the trips to St. Louis and Decatur and Mattoon and everything in between. Sullivan was an amazing little town with you in it because there was almost never 'nothing to do'. You're passionate about theatre and the work that you do there, and I think you're an amazing electrician or designer or stage manager or whatever you want to be because you can rock whatever the hell you decide. Love you mean it!

Jane, you already got a letter, but I'll go head and say it: I love the hell out of you and from the bottom of my heart, thank you. PS--Sorry I killed you. Love you mean it!

So, with all my love, I wish you all the best in your endeavors this year. I hope very very much that MA will be reunited next summer, because I think it's a beautiful thing to be able to love your work and love the people you do it with.

Love,

Ashley